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   Hello, I am a mother of two boy 4 and 5.  I am from california.  I have a job that barely makes my bills and i go to school so one day i will be a psychologist and help all the people i possible can.  I have a dream for my family to get a home for my children.  I dont make enough to get a home loan. I wish i could get a secound job but their is no childcare open 24/7.  I have a child in speach therapy he had a delay in speach now he is stuttering. My secound child has sevire behavioral problems and is in a special needs program. Just the other day he cut his teacher.  he also throws big tempertantrums i mean throwing things breaking windows hitting bitting people out of control.  One teacher told me i need to medicate him he is out of control this offended me.  I dont want my child on chemicals i would perfer to use natural things like teas or herbs.  i would rather him find a way to deal with his anger some coping mechanism.  I am not so quick to medicate my thought is if one day he stops taking the medicin on his own when he gets older he is going to have to deal with it than so why not learn it while he is young.  i do get stressed i do cry but i deal with it because i know it will be for the best when he grows and learns how to deal with his emotions on his own appropriatly.  The father of  my boys got deported and he wants me to move to mexico and live their.  though i have much love for him i have so many oppertunities for my babies hear i cant do that to them.  I try to explain how tough i have it over hear its going to be that much tougher for us over their.  i struggle everyday but i do this for my boys they saved my life really?  I have a bad past before i was a mother i was doing drugs and stupid irresponsable things.  it is embarassing and nobudy knows about my past exept my family of course.  i have been off of drugs when i found out i was pregnant and have been clean ever sence.  i grew up in a home of drinking and drugs abuse mulestations rapes. my dad beat me with things and left me alone with his friend to rape me than told me it was my fault that i wanted it.  i was 13 he was 3o something who wants that?  I know i am getting a bit personal and that is why i am anonymous.  i cant hold it in anymore it hurts. i get flashbacks of everything that has ever happened to me.  it wont leave my head i relive it... as i was saying though my boys test me and push me but they saved my life would i still be off drugs if i didnt have kids probobly no i would still be using but i just couldnt do to my children what my dad has done to me i didnt have the heart to do that to them they dont deserve that.. they deserve a chance to live the best life i in my power can give them.  They gave me my dreams they gave me my goals. ha they even give me my stress.  out side i try to put out this "i am so strong" effect.  though inside i feel week.  i have a dream to give my children a home a home of our own being 25 with two kids i believe i should have this but i feel it is to out of reach.  i dont make enough money for a loan i wanted t get a mobile home their cheeper than regular homes.  i work so hard but still dont have much.  i will go so long without anything new for myself just to give to my children.  i want to cry i feel like giving up right now.  but tomorrow ill wake up get up for work and do another day.  using again is not an option not to say i dont struugle with my own mind but i just cant i might as well die first before i use drugs again i would loose everthing i work so hard for every single day.  you might read this and think WOW way to much information can you believe thie crazy nut... i tell you though i dont like to ask for help i am so stubern it would take away from the fake i am so strong attitude i give, right?  i am not strong  i need help and i dont know what to do i am scared i am lonely and i hurt i am everthing i pretend not to be. this is not a joke this is not a fake this is someone who doesnt know how to get herself out of this hole of being poor god if i could only get a home of my own. i ahd an appartment once but they kept raising the rent a one bedroom appt small infested 1000$ a month. out on our own though i had much better self esteem i was so proud of myself how ashamed i was when i had to move into my grandmothers house with my mother.  well i guess i will i have typed enough of my life story im sure... right?  sorry for rambling on..... thank you!

I met someone whom I fell in love with, he was much older than me. I am 47 he is 77. I met him and we fell in love the same day we met. I hugged him so hard he fell over. I then started finding out things about how he had a stroke, and 2 heart attacks. He was so good looking, yet so frail after just a couple hours of visting. He would fall asleep talking,eating,then started to fall down alot.I have worked as a nurse,and thought I couldhandle everything.I had no idea what a sad thing a cellerbellum brain stroke is. None. I fought with his daughter to have him here,it was a huge fight.He is a well known celebrity,with no money though. He was famous in the 70's.Still is, but has nothing to show for it at all. I mean, we were counting chnage for food at one time. I loved him for him, not money or anything else, I just feel like I was bamboozeled by people not telling me how bad off he was, or even him telling me alittle about his disabilities. I later found out he had no money for food. I worked 3 jobs and nursed him and took care of my young son, who I get no money from anyone for either.

I took him to the hospital several times,up most nights,then worked.Without a thank you, hardly anything.

He would go into rages,then be sweet and sorry. I felt so sorry for him.

I work as a fitness model, I have had no energy as of late,I did manage to work out today-I mean I have too -to keep my fitness job going,but I am so beyond sad.

A few days ago, he started to change his behaviour. Hiding things from me, and writing alot. I saw notes torn up. I had a mini melt down being i was so dang tired,up for a few  nights with him being he has restless leg syndrome and kicked me so hard I bled. Also he was so anxious, like a little boy at night.

Anyways he left,I heard the car start up and he was gone. Left me with all the bills, everything. Rent is so high here its outrageous.

words of support are so welcome.

I guess, I am upset because I was nursing him on hand and foot, literally-and got no thanks or appreciation and then he just abandoned ship.

I am now working 4 jobs and have a young son. I am so sad, depressed and upset its pathetic.

Thank you for reading me.

 i hurt my neck on a lobsterboat on 11-11=07 im fighting for ssdi or ssi rightnow i had a bone 

 and titanem plate put in my neck. i have a 10 y/o son  we are VERY behind on all or bills the cars broke 

we really need help  my phone # is 207-348-2414

                                                                                  thank you 

                                                                                           John Swan

I am 21 years old. Mother of two boy, divorced. Because my ex husband has a stable life my boys are with him. Though that is a joint decision he makes my life hell and refuses to let me see them for more than 1 or 2 times every two or three months. I have missed birthday and holidays because his family no longer likes me. I dont do drugs i do not drink on a regular basis. I am a felon because we had food stamps when we were married. I was a stay at home mother and i had to fill out the paper work about his information. I mixed up the information and was charged with food stamp fraud, and now have to pay 2500 dollars back to the state of texas. Not only do i have that and not allowed to see my family. I find out more and more about how he cheated on me and had relationships with women and one women the entire 2 years of marraige. Growing up i had a drug addicted alcoholic mother and i was a teen pregnancy. I can't seem to find a job because of the felony and I have absolutely no family within 1500 miles. and even the family that far away i dont know where they are and because of the family history we no longer speak. Grated that is my choice but the fact still lies that I am a 21 yr old unemployeed mother of two beautiful boys who was cheated and used and destroyed in a marriage and it still hurts me. I have never had a stable family I have been homeless several times. Currently I am renting a room from my boyfreinds aunt. And I care about him and he tries to help me. But nothing seems to break my bond to wanting my family. I miss my children, i miss my life, ive been hurt and used and any trust completely abused. Cant find a job I have child support to pay, restitution to the state to pay rent to pay and phone bill though many believe phone is not important. but the phone calls to my boys are the most important things in my life right now. And I have no money and i seem to have breakdowns alot lately. I have been through alot in my short life so far. And i need to find help.    Can anyone help me?

This group is to support FMS suffers and supporters. All are welcomed.

my life has been very hard, i was adopted at a very young age and i have  been house to house since i was five and at the age of 15 i was finally kick out and had to see what the real world  was all about . I learn that you cant trust nobody but yourself, and depending on some body  else will only set you up for disappointment. At the age of 17 i ended up pregnant with really no help im going to keep my baby and just be the best mother i can be  finacally im really not there but ill make it work for mines. my baby is due at the end of march and im going to make it work for my little girl

we all go through so much as woman! Even though we have to worry about how to support our family, we still have to go through the hell with the men we are with because they will not stand up and be real men. But we still love them all the more. I hope you like this poem explaining the feelings we go through with our men!

Crave his Love

As a woman, we go through so much.

We crave the love of a mans touch.

When that love develops into relation.

All we can think about is the sensation.

We love the thrill of how he makes us feel.

Especially when he flaunts his sex appeal.

We’ll do most any thing for his attention.

Even turn on close ones, did I mention?

I crave his Love like no other.

I love him more than my own mother.

He took my emotions and threw them away.

But still I pray that he would come back the next day.

I crave his love, like a devil in heat.

Even though he treats me like a piece of meat.

Will this craving ever subside?

Or will I have to run off and hide.

Hide from this man that I can’t get out my system.

Be for one of us turns into a victim.

Because I am afraid to let him go.

Even though he has me around just for show.

These feelings are getting real deep.

If they don’t change soon, I’m going to kill the creep.

Crave his love, us woman always give the most.

When they are finish taking, they move on to their next host.

                                       By: Genevieve James {P.E.P}

                                      Pure Encouragement Poems

I'm at a stand still in my life. Sometimes i don't know if i'm coming or going. I love my family but don't want them around me. My kids mean the world to me but i feel like in so many ways i feel like i'm failing them. How do i get past the hurt i feel so that i can begin to heal for the sake of my family?????????????

hi everybody this is my first time on her hope everyone is alright I am a single mother of three children . I have no job there is things that I need for the kids but can't get can any one help me . I fell on hard time and now I have a room mate to help with bills etc. I don't like it because I am us to doing for my self . I don't want this person to turn on me walk out because if this happens I don' t have no place to turn and I am trying my best . It sucks at times when people say that they will be there and alll they do is come in your life to hurt you

crystal

Historical Movies - Mental Illness

My name is Carrie Widmer and I need help. I am 25 years old and I have two wonderful kids Justin 7 & Katelyn who is turning 5 in a couple days May11th. I have so much going with me having a very bad Hyperthyroid & other thyroid problems and a few heart problem like a leaky heart valve and a lil hole in my heart. I take so much medicine it makes me sick 160mg propranolol(heart)3 x's daily and the maxed dose of propythiour(thyroid) 300mg 4x's daily. My life has not been easy, which I know no ones life is and I really try to keep my head up. I have never felt happy or proud of my teeth, but I felt like I have to deal with it do to not being able to work and other stuff going on with my health. BUT I have to say I'm in so much pain i don't know if I can take it and I really feel like giving up on everything, my TEETH look bad and THAT"S the Least of my problems, they HURT SO BAD I just don't know what to do. I have all my wisdom teeth coming in and all my teeth are cracking and are falling out. I wouldn't say my teeth hurt,it's my whole mouth. People say I have such a Big smile with really messed up teeth, it never made me feel good knowing I could ruin a big smile and my son says my teeth look funny. I Really Really need *Miracle* and if theres anybody willing to bless me with that it'll make my life a dream come true and I never think about me without thinkin of others My kids father was born with a clif lip and his teeth also hurt him bad. I would not be writing a letter like this if I felt we didn't need help. I have no income right now he works a little and I am sad to say I haven't found a place that'll hire me. I always thought it was my teeth. Oh please if theres anybody willing to help I could only say good things will come your way. and i hope all goes WELL with YOU ALL. xoxox carrie

Hello my name is ashley white. And my sistuaton is very bad. I live with a non family member and there are other people living there but they are involved in crazy situations and they have the house under watch. And also there are smokers in the house and I live in teh basement so the lady is 86 years old one day she left the stove on and almost burned the house down. so i am afraid because i dont want my baby down in the basement andi dont want anything to happen to my baby.. Also i dont work i want to wotk and im willing to work but i cant now casue im 8 months pregnant. I really need help its other problems going on too but if i write them ill be all day and all night..

This is my story…

In 2001, my wife confessed to having an affair with another man. I had no idea what was going on, and was crushed at the news.

I do not drink, do drugs, beat my wife, and I have never had an affair with another woman. I am a good man who goes to church but sins like every one else. We had drifted apart in our marriage and my wife became vulnerable.

While apologetic, she insisted that I needed to forgive and quit moping around or we were finished. In short, this happened and you need to deal with it and get over it and move on quickly.

We have two beautiful daughters, and I wanted them to grow up with a mom and dad in a good Christian home environment.

I rushed into forgiveness on the surface, but fell into a deep state of depression over the next several years. I had no one to talk to (although I did pray and talk to God a lot). The affair did something to my mind and changed me.

I became de-sensitized. I felt nothing anymore. My anger boiled and visions of what she and the other man had done in the hotel room haunted me day and night.

I swallowed this anger and hurt and pain on the inside, while putting on a happy face on the outside. I am a good Christian man who has made some bad decisions.

With no where to turn and desperately seeking some feeling in life, I discovered that I could have credit cards online and purchase expensive collectible comic books and make credit card payments online without my wife’s knowledge. I believe that the “high” of the purchase or being the winning bidder was similar to the reason people do drugs. It made me happy momentarily, but similarly I wanted more and more.

The real problem was that I would sell the comic books shortly after obtaining them, but I would only make slightly above the minimum payments on the credit cards and spend the rest of the money on other things. In essence, I was basically getting cash advances from the credit cards through the purchase of collectible comic books.

The problem evolved into having to buy more comic books to sell to keep making the credit cards payments. I was in a downward spiral, and was afraid to go to my wife and ask for help in fear of ruining the marriage or her becoming involved with another man again.

My wife is a good Christian woman who made a mistake and had the guts to confess and be willing to suffer the consequences. She does a great job managing our finances and I knew that the news of my mistakes would crush her.

I am a broken man, several times over in this life. I have done some good things in my life, but I have also done many stupid things.

I now find myself faced with $27,000.00 in credit card debt, with probably only about $1,000.00 in comic book assets.

Today, 11/11/08, I have committed to not using the credit cards anymore, selling all of my comic books, and spending the next 4 to 6 years paying off the credit cards.

I know that the journey I am about to embark on may be more difficult than the journey that led me here, but I am willing to stick with this to regain my manhood, dignity, and pride.

The good news is that I have come home. I have walked through the darkness and found my way back to the light. In that, we should rejoice. The credit cards are all at 0.00% or 1.9% interest rates, but I have to keep moving some of this debt to other credit cards to keep the debt at 0.00%, since most of these offers are not for the life of the debt.

So here I am, bare naked in front of you, helpless and embarrassed and ashamed.

I have been through too much over the years. I just want peace and happiness. I guess after the problems at home growing up and the stress of work and the news of the affair combined, I just cracked. Forgive me for being weak.

If you can or want to help me, please do. This is very stressful and it is a difficult road to travel alone. I know that God will see me through this…He has never let me down before.

Please keep me in your prayers, and thank you for listening.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. I have to think that God must have a better plan someday. Things have continued to  change...my husband took the easy way out and  abandoned us. He ran off with another woman and has left his two teenage boys and our youngest to wonder where he is and what has happened. I am trying my best to raise them and work 2 fulltime jobs but it is never enough. We are at the point of losing our home like most Americans because the government is coming after me for my husbands debts since they cannot find him. He has turned out to be the devil in diguise. Please pray that God will show us the way soon because I am running out of hope.......

Hurt, Distraught and Rejected