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Hurt

 
What's your take? (click here)

bbjc66  

confused

aggrivated at witsend dont know what to do
reply to bbjc66
Helpless Helper  

Fighting the Fight, lets try positive surroundings.

Well, my husband actually got called to work for 6 hrs today, and has a final shift 28 hrs, before total lay off. Well... It's better than nothing and will prevent disconnects for a bit longer. Thank God. I dropped him off and spent day with my sister, it helped a lot, but doesn't change the pain. I just keep praying help will find a way, a door, a job, direction. And keep fighting the good fight at times. It's not easy always being the strong one, for my family, like I'm supposed to endure this with no feelings and just keep plugging. I actually enjoyed and laughed for first time in few weeks since the last time infection set in my jaw, down my chest, neck, headaches. It's interesting how people expect you to work miracles and be something your not to survive. I'd give anything (almost) to just have a chance at dentures so I could work.. Like a catch 22.. I watch my husband fill out apps, send resumes, even walk in snow storms to show he's dependable. Not many ppl would even try that, not in today's society of comforts. But, because the so called economy, his age, living in a collage town, etc.. He finds himself fighting his own good fight to just feel like he's doing his part. Which he is.. I'm proud he really gets out and tries. If he got paid for all his searching, all the times applied, we'd be stable. So I try to understand his position, and I'm not going to judge him because he's not working much, he can't help that. He is doing what it takes, and we can just hope, pray doors open. I try to get out of myself, the pain, to consider, help others as I can.. But when were struggling so much we can't reach out like we'd like. We have to help ourselves before we can help others. I just wish the walls were not stacked against us and we could work and pay our own way like we have for so many years. Prices are so much higher. Go to store ppl many are rude, not enough employees working. Prices higher for lesser amounts.. so many changes, and my teeth, gums are so bad a clinic nurse was so concerned. I don't know I just feel so stuck right now.. Made it through today, and even laughed.. Day at a Time..
reply to Helpless Helper
Helpless Helper  

Desperation... Fighting the fight!

Well, I don't know what I'm doing here. How this can help? But here I am typing out into the cyber world. For what? I'm emotionally hurting, desperate. Crazy part, I'm usually the one helping others, work in professional fields, so love helping people, have spent years helping, giving, working in various forms of the healthcare field,weather being a therapist or in Nursing. ~ Brought myself out of the depths of childhood trauma, only to feel myself falling back after all these years. Sux! I feel desperate, cry a lot, want to run somewhere, want to hide. In last 2 years I have struggled to keep myself going, be positive, surrender to God, ask for help.. Only to sit here stuck.. spinning my wheels... I was repeatedly abused as a child, married an abuser over 30 yrs ago.. had my teeth busted, cracked. Have had them fixed repeatedly to where there is nothing left for them to fix and I need dentures. Well, I have been repeatedly rejected by jobs due to my teeth being broken.. again.. ( All upper teeth in from and 3 on bottom are broken off now. I live in pain a lot, I continually get infection in my lower jaw, causing swelling down in my neck, up to my head.. Causing all kinds of added physical issues. I'm high risk for heart disease, and am on medication for Hypertension. I have been in this position for 2 years and am tired of the shame, embarrassment, pain, swelling, fear of eating. I am married, my husband works, but it's gone to only PT and it's all we can do to pay bills, cos now he's getting laid off. Anytime we try to get enough money to get dentures, the car has problems. Now w/ hours cut any money we get has to go to bills to prevent housing issues. I'm soo tired of hurting, of feeling like I'm worthless when underneath my dental / financial problems. I'm as capable as anyone else. I just can't seem to get a break.. I'd love to work, I miss it so much.. But, I can't even deal with the rejection anymore.. All I want to do is get help.. Honestly, I'm only on here to try to help myself get this out, I know there's no help out there after 2 years of trying. I don't want to give up, I'm fighting unhealthy thoughts, urges.. My family is known for suicidal thoughts and I hate being grouped with it, but thoughts pass now and then.. But truth be known if I have a choice between living like this and some form of escape.. Escaping is actually looking good.. And I hate feeling like that too, I really just want this Desperation, Hurt to STOP... I just want to be reasonably normal, able to be accepted, and work.. To be able to eat w/o fear of infection, to actually chew my food like I should be able too.
Yet, this is affecting my thoughts, and my health.. And, I'm tired of fighting for good, when there's no help for the helpers.
reply to Helpless Helper
MS.BARFIELD  

HURTING

I AM BLESSED. SOMETIMES A PERSON NEEDS TO HEAR THAT SOMEBODY DOES CARE ABOUT THERE WELL BEING AND THANK YOU FOR ASKING.
reply to MS.BARFIELD
harry truman333  

Back Pain Need Help!!!

I tore my anulas phibrosis a key part of a disc in the lower back and now I cant go back to work a labor job so how can i pay the bills with 3 kids.
reply to harry truman333
cupertino  

my sad, sad ,song.

hello my name is gary I go by cupertino since thats where I am from mywife and I have been married for 22 years ! I thank the good Lord above for her and our 13 yaer old son ! We got married in Santa Cruz,Ca. but due to the cost of living and havin' a bun in the oven we ventured out here where a guy could catch a break and make a home for his family.Her mom and dad are ministers and put us up while I got rejection after rejection for permanent work. So i settled for a temporary work assignment moving pianos long story short dont be on the downstairs side moving a piano on a skid he lost grip and that skid and piano took me out and through the sheet rock. I guess I should feel blessed all the surgeries 5 in all! God bless them theres alot worse off then me out there! I didn't get squat from work cmp as my employer conviently had me sign my time card to get paid on the way to the hospital(I know God will see him one day.) as for disability forget about it 10 years later nothing but appeals! so with L-4,L-5 fusion and laminectomy thats the cherry on top nerve graft, pectoral major muscle graft, rotator shoulder stuff i'm a sad depressed soul in love with greatest woman on Gods earth, and just the coolest little honor roll God fearing boy i ever knew I know God will help us someday! thanks for listening to this junk. -your friend gary
reply to cupertino
strong mother of two  

About strong mother of two

   Hello, I am a mother of two boy 4 and 5.  I am from california.  I have a job that barely makes my bills and i go to school so one day i will be a psychologist and help all the people i possible can.  I have a dream for my family to get a home for my children.  I dont make enough to get a home loan. I wish i could get a secound job but their is no childcare open 24/7.  I have a child in speach therapy he had a delay in speach now he is stuttering. My secound child has sevire behavioral problems and is in a special needs program. Just the other day he cut his teacher.  he also throws big tempertantrums i mean throwing things breaking windows hitting bitting people out of control.  One teacher told me i need to medicate him he is out of control this offended me.  I dont want my child on chemicals i would perfer to use natural things like teas or herbs.  i would rather him find a way to deal with his anger some coping mechanism.  I am not so quick to medicate my thought is if one day he stops taking the medicin on his own when he gets older he is going to have to deal with it than so why not learn it while he is young.  i do get stressed i do cry but i deal with it because i know it will be for the best when he grows and learns how to deal with his emotions on his own appropriatly.  The father of  my boys got deported and he wants me to move to mexico and live their.  though i have much love for him i have so many oppertunities for my babies hear i cant do that to them.  I try to explain how tough i have it over hear its going to be that much tougher for us over their.  i struggle everyday but i do this for my boys they saved my life really?  I have a bad past before i was a mother i was doing drugs and stupid irresponsable things.  it is embarassing and nobudy knows about my past exept my family of course.  i have been off of drugs when i found out i was pregnant and have been clean ever sence.  i grew up in a home of drinking and drugs abuse mulestations rapes. my dad beat me with things and left me alone with his friend to rape me than told me it was my fault that i wanted it.  i was 13 he was 3o something who wants that?  I know i am getting a bit personal and that is why i am anonymous.  i cant hold it in anymore it hurts. i get flashbacks of everything that has ever happened to me.  it wont leave my head i relive it... as i was saying though my boys test me and push me but they saved my life would i still be off drugs if i didnt have kids probobly no i would still be using but i just couldnt do to my children what my dad has done to me i didnt have the heart to do that to them they dont deserve that.. they deserve a chance to live the best life i in my power can give them.  They gave me my dreams they gave me my goals. ha they even give me my stress.  out side i try to put out this "i am so strong" effect.  though inside i feel week.  i have a dream to give my children a home a home of our own being 25 with two kids i believe i should have this but i feel it is to out of reach.  i dont make enough money for a loan i wanted t get a mobile home their cheeper than regular homes.  i work so hard but still dont have much.  i will go so long without anything new for myself just to give to my children.  i want to cry i feel like giving up right now.  but tomorrow ill wake up get up for work and do another day.  using again is not an option not to say i dont struugle with my own mind but i just cant i might as well die first before i use drugs again i would loose everthing i work so hard for every single day.  you might read this and think WOW way to much information can you believe thie crazy nut... i tell you though i dont like to ask for help i am so stubern it would take away from the fake i am so strong attitude i give, right?  i am not strong  i need help and i dont know what to do i am scared i am lonely and i hurt i am everthing i pretend not to be. this is not a joke this is not a fake this is someone who doesnt know how to get herself out of this hole of being poor god if i could only get a home of my own. i ahd an appartment once but they kept raising the rent a one bedroom appt small infested 1000$ a month. out on our own though i had much better self esteem i was so proud of myself how ashamed i was when i had to move into my grandmothers house with my mother.  well i guess i will i have typed enough of my life story im sure... right?  sorry for rambling on..... thank you!

reply to strong mother of two
CelebrityWifeLeft  

About CelebrityWifeLeft

I met someone whom I fell in love with, he was much older than me. I am 47 he is 77. I met him and we fell in love the same day we met. I hugged him so hard he fell over. I then started finding out things about how he had a stroke, and 2 heart attacks. He was so good looking, yet so frail after just a couple hours of visting. He would fall asleep talking,eating,then started to fall down alot.I have worked as a nurse,and thought I couldhandle everything.I had no idea what a sad thing a cellerbellum brain stroke is. None. I fought with his daughter to have him here,it was a huge fight.He is a well known celebrity,with no money though. He was famous in the 70's.Still is, but has nothing to show for it at all. I mean, we were counting chnage for food at one time. I loved him for him, not money or anything else, I just feel like I was bamboozeled by people not telling me how bad off he was, or even him telling me alittle about his disabilities. I later found out he had no money for food. I worked 3 jobs and nursed him and took care of my young son, who I get no money from anyone for either.

I took him to the hospital several times,up most nights,then worked.Without a thank you, hardly anything.

He would go into rages,then be sweet and sorry. I felt so sorry for him.

I work as a fitness model, I have had no energy as of late,I did manage to work out today-I mean I have too -to keep my fitness job going,but I am so beyond sad.

A few days ago, he started to change his behaviour. Hiding things from me, and writing alot. I saw notes torn up. I had a mini melt down being i was so dang tired,up for a few  nights with him being he has restless leg syndrome and kicked me so hard I bled. Also he was so anxious, like a little boy at night.

Anyways he left,I heard the car start up and he was gone. Left me with all the bills, everything. Rent is so high here its outrageous.

words of support are so welcome.

I guess, I am upset because I was nursing him on hand and foot, literally-and got no thanks or appreciation and then he just abandoned ship.

I am now working 4 jobs and have a young son. I am so sad, depressed and upset its pathetic.

Thank you for reading me.

reply to CelebrityWifeLeft
johnjvrswan  

About johnjvrswan

 i hurt my neck on a lobsterboat on 11-11=07 im fighting for ssdi or ssi rightnow i had a bone 

 and titanem plate put in my neck. i have a 10 y/o son  we are VERY behind on all or bills the cars broke 

we really need help  my phone # is 207-348-2414

                                                                                  thank you 

                                                                                           John Swan

reply to johnjvrswan
amc1129  

About amc1129

I am 21 years old. Mother of two boy, divorced. Because my ex husband has a stable life my boys are with him. Though that is a joint decision he makes my life hell and refuses to let me see them for more than 1 or 2 times every two or three months. I have missed birthday and holidays because his family no longer likes me. I dont do drugs i do not drink on a regular basis. I am a felon because we had food stamps when we were married. I was a stay at home mother and i had to fill out the paper work about his information. I mixed up the information and was charged with food stamp fraud, and now have to pay 2500 dollars back to the state of texas. Not only do i have that and not allowed to see my family. I find out more and more about how he cheated on me and had relationships with women and one women the entire 2 years of marraige. Growing up i had a drug addicted alcoholic mother and i was a teen pregnancy. I can't seem to find a job because of the felony and I have absolutely no family within 1500 miles. and even the family that far away i dont know where they are and because of the family history we no longer speak. Grated that is my choice but the fact still lies that I am a 21 yr old unemployeed mother of two beautiful boys who was cheated and used and destroyed in a marriage and it still hurts me. I have never had a stable family I have been homeless several times. Currently I am renting a room from my boyfreinds aunt. And I care about him and he tries to help me. But nothing seems to break my bond to wanting my family. I miss my children, i miss my life, ive been hurt and used and any trust completely abused. Cant find a job I have child support to pay, restitution to the state to pay rent to pay and phone bill though many believe phone is not important. but the phone calls to my boys are the most important things in my life right now. And I have no money and i seem to have breakdowns alot lately. I have been through alot in my short life so far. And i need to find help.    Can anyone help me?

reply to amc1129
EvaaaMariex3  

About Fibromyalgia

This group is to support FMS suffers and supporters. All are welcomed.

reply to EvaaaMariex3
lai lay  

About lai lay

my life has been very hard, i was adopted at a very young age and i have  been house to house since i was five and at the age of 15 i was finally kick out and had to see what the real world  was all about . I learn that you cant trust nobody but yourself, and depending on some body  else will only set you up for disappointment. At the age of 17 i ended up pregnant with really no help im going to keep my baby and just be the best mother i can be  finacally im really not there but ill make it work for mines. my baby is due at the end of march and im going to make it work for my little girl

reply to lai lay
Angels Over All  

Crave His Love {Poem}

we all go through so much as woman! Even though we have to worry about how to support our family, we still have to go through the hell with the men we are with because they will not stand up and be real men. But we still love them all the more. I hope you like this poem explaining the feelings we go through with our men!

Crave his Love

As a woman, we go through so much.

We crave the love of a mans touch.

When that love develops into relation.

All we can think about is the sensation.

We love the thrill of how he makes us feel.

Especially when he flaunts his sex appeal.

We’ll do most any thing for his attention.

Even turn on close ones, did I mention?

I crave his Love like no other.

I love him more than my own mother.

He took my emotions and threw them away.

But still I pray that he would come back the next day.

I crave his love, like a devil in heat.

Even though he treats me like a piece of meat.

Will this craving ever subside?

Or will I have to run off and hide.

Hide from this man that I can’t get out my system.

Be for one of us turns into a victim.

Because I am afraid to let him go.

Even though he has me around just for show.

These feelings are getting real deep.

If they don’t change soon, I’m going to kill the creep.

Crave his love, us woman always give the most.

When they are finish taking, they move on to their next host.

                                       By: Genevieve James {P.E.P}

                                      Pure Encouragement Poems

reply to Angels Over All
Mrs.TrelleGreen  

About Mrs.TrelleGreen

I'm at a stand still in my life. Sometimes i don't know if i'm coming or going. I love my family but don't want them around me. My kids mean the world to me but i feel like in so many ways i feel like i'm failing them. How do i get past the hurt i feel so that i can begin to heal for the sake of my family?????????????

reply to Mrs.TrelleGreen
crystal22  

About crystal22

hi everybody this is my first time on her hope everyone is alright I am a single mother of three children . I have no job there is things that I need for the kids but can't get can any one help me . I fell on hard time and now I have a room mate to help with bills etc. I don't like it because I am us to doing for my self . I don't want this person to turn on me walk out because if this happens I don' t have no place to turn and I am trying my best . It sucks at times when people say that they will be there and alll they do is come in your life to hurt you

 

crystal

reply to crystal22
the drum guru  

Mental health

Historical Movies - Mental Illness

 

The Continuum of Mania and Depression

 

As Defined In

 

The NIMH-LCM[1]

 

4. Severe Mania: much insistence by others that patient get medical attention, patient unable to function in any goal directed activity.

 

            Symptoms: little or no sleep, delusional, invincible, explosive, hallucinatory, catatonic.

 

 

 

           Functional Impairment: needs close supervision, has no judgement, puts self and others in danger, should be hospitalized.

 

 

 

3. High Moderate Mania: very significant difficulty with behavior and goal directed activities, can’t focus, non-productive.

 

 

 

            Symptoms: grandiose, very disruptive, little or no sleep, reckless, increases in energy and activities.

 

 

 

            Functional Impairment: little or no judgement, not directable, outlandish behaviors, can’t function at work.

 

 

 

2. Low Moderate Mania: noticeable impairment; others feedback about behavior; less productive, unfocused.

 

 

 

            Symptoms: irritable/euphoric, intrusive, grandiose, increases in energy, decrease in sleep, increase in spending and phone calls.

 

            Functional Impairment: poor judgement, sometimes disruptive at work and home, difficulty with goal-oriented activity.

 

 

 

 

 

1. Mild Mania: no impairment or mild impairment, functioning possibly enhanced.

 

            Symptoms: decrease in sleep, ebullient, energetic, more social, mildly pressured.

 

            Functional Impairment: little or no impairment can be focused and productive.

 

 

 

 

 

0. The Normal Range of Emotions

 

 

 

 

 

1. Mild Depression: no impairment to mild impairment.

            Symptoms: subjective distress, low mood, sleep and appetite O.K.

 

            Functional Impairment: functions well at work and at home, little or no impairment in social relationships.

 

 

 

2. Low Moderate Depression: noticeable impairment; some extra effort needed to function in usual social and occupational roles.

 

            Symptoms: decrease/increase in sleep and appetite, decreased energy and concentration, anxious, loss of normal pleasures, sucidal.

 

            Functional Impairment: some impairment at work and home, misses days from work, has to push self.

 

 

 

3. High Moderate Depression: very significant impairment; great effort needed to function in any role; barely scrapes by.

 

            Symptoms: retarded/agitated, very low energy, suicidal, withdrawn, poor hygiene, much difficulty reading or concentrating.

 

            Functional Impairment: great difficulty functioning, rarely goes to work, has to push self very hard.

 

 

 

4. Severe Depression: essentially incapacitated because of depression.

 

            Symptoms: immobilized, can’t read or concentrate, mute or extremely agitated.

 

            Functional Impairment: Isolated, or in bed, may be hospitalized

 

Mood Chart to be Used with this Table

 


[1] Leverich, G.S. & Post, R.M., (1998). Life charting of affective disorders. The International Journal of Neuropsychiatric Medicine, 3 (5): 21-37

 

reply to the drum guru
carebearwidmer  

About carebearwidmer

My name is Carrie Widmer and I need help. I am 25 years old and I have two wonderful kids Justin 7 & Katelyn who is turning 5 in a couple days May11th. I have so much going with me having a very bad Hyperthyroid & other thyroid problems and a few heart problem like a leaky heart valve and a lil hole in my heart. I take so much medicine it makes me sick 160mg propranolol(heart)3 x's daily and the maxed dose of propythiour(thyroid) 300mg 4x's daily. My life has not been easy, which I know no ones life is and I really try to keep my head up. I have never felt happy or proud of my teeth, but I felt like I have to deal with it do to not being able to work and other stuff going on with my health. BUT I have to say I'm in so much pain i don't know if I can take it and I really feel like giving up on everything, my TEETH look bad and THAT"S the Least of my problems, they HURT SO BAD I just don't know what to do. I have all my wisdom teeth coming in and all my teeth are cracking and are falling out. I wouldn't say my teeth hurt,it's my whole mouth. People say I have such a Big smile with really messed up teeth, it never made me feel good knowing I could ruin a big smile and my son says my teeth look funny. I Really Really need *Miracle* and if theres anybody willing to bless me with that it'll make my life a dream come true and I never think about me without thinkin of others My kids father was born with a clif lip and his teeth also hurt him bad. I would not be writing a letter like this if I felt we didn't need help. I have no income right now he works a little and I am sad to say I haven't found a place that'll hire me. I always thought it was my teeth. Oh please if theres anybody willing to help I could only say good things will come your way. and i hope all goes WELL with YOU ALL. xoxox carrie

reply to carebearwidmer
ashkev18  

About ashkev18

Hello my name is ashley white. And my sistuaton is very bad. I live with a non family member and there are other people living there but they are involved in crazy situations and they have the house under watch. And also there are smokers in the house and I live in teh basement so the lady is 86 years old one day she left the stove on and almost burned the house down. so i am afraid because i dont want my baby down in the basement andi dont want anything to happen to my baby.. Also i dont work i want to wotk and im willing to work but i cant now casue im 8 months pregnant. I really need help its other problems going on too but if i write them ill be all day and all night..

reply to ashkev18
elijahsnow  

About elijahsnow

This is my story…

In 2001, my wife confessed to having an affair with another man. I had no idea what was going on, and was crushed at the news.

I do not drink, do drugs, beat my wife, and I have never had an affair with another woman. I am a good man who goes to church but sins like every one else. We had drifted apart in our marriage and my wife became vulnerable.

While apologetic, she insisted that I needed to forgive and quit moping around or we were finished. In short, this happened and you need to deal with it and get over it and move on quickly.

We have two beautiful daughters, and I wanted them to grow up with a mom and dad in a good Christian home environment.

I rushed into forgiveness on the surface, but fell into a deep state of depression over the next several years. I had no one to talk to (although I did pray and talk to God a lot). The affair did something to my mind and changed me.

I became de-sensitized. I felt nothing anymore. My anger boiled and visions of what she and the other man had done in the hotel room haunted me day and night.

I swallowed this anger and hurt and pain on the inside, while putting on a happy face on the outside. I am a good Christian man who has made some bad decisions.

With no where to turn and desperately seeking some feeling in life, I discovered that I could have credit cards online and purchase expensive collectible comic books and make credit card payments online without my wife’s knowledge. I believe that the “high” of the purchase or being the winning bidder was similar to the reason people do drugs. It made me happy momentarily, but similarly I wanted more and more.

The real problem was that I would sell the comic books shortly after obtaining them, but I would only make slightly above the minimum payments on the credit cards and spend the rest of the money on other things. In essence, I was basically getting cash advances from the credit cards through the purchase of collectible comic books.

The problem evolved into having to buy more comic books to sell to keep making the credit cards payments. I was in a downward spiral, and was afraid to go to my wife and ask for help in fear of ruining the marriage or her becoming involved with another man again.

My wife is a good Christian woman who made a mistake and had the guts to confess and be willing to suffer the consequences. She does a great job managing our finances and I knew that the news of my mistakes would crush her.

I am a broken man, several times over in this life. I have done some good things in my life, but I have also done many stupid things.

I now find myself faced with $27,000.00 in credit card debt, with probably only about $1,000.00 in comic book assets.

Today, 11/11/08, I have committed to not using the credit cards anymore, selling all of my comic books, and spending the next 4 to 6 years paying off the credit cards.

I know that the journey I am about to embark on may be more difficult than the journey that led me here, but I am willing to stick with this to regain my manhood, dignity, and pride.

The good news is that I have come home. I have walked through the darkness and found my way back to the light. In that, we should rejoice. The credit cards are all at 0.00% or 1.9% interest rates, but I have to keep moving some of this debt to other credit cards to keep the debt at 0.00%, since most of these offers are not for the life of the debt.

So here I am, bare naked in front of you, helpless and embarrassed and ashamed.

I have been through too much over the years. I just want peace and happiness. I guess after the problems at home growing up and the stress of work and the news of the affair combined, I just cracked. Forgive me for being weak.

If you can or want to help me, please do. This is very stressful and it is a difficult road to travel alone. I know that God will see me through this…He has never let me down before.

Please keep me in your prayers, and thank you for listening.

reply to elijahsnow
Alexanderthepreemie  

Running out of hope

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. I have to think that God must have a better plan someday. Things have continued to  change...my husband took the easy way out and  abandoned us. He ran off with another woman and has left his two teenage boys and our youngest to wonder where he is and what has happened. I am trying my best to raise them and work 2 fulltime jobs but it is never enough. We are at the point of losing our home like most Americans because the government is coming after me for my husbands debts since they cannot find him. He has turned out to be the devil in diguise. Please pray that God will show us the way soon because I am running out of hope.......

Hurt, Distraught and Rejected   

reply to Alexanderthepreemie